and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
