Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
