I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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