ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
This baby is an asshole
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
