I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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