I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
