Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Randomize
