i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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