Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize