it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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