While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
