Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Randomize
