Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
