There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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