You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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