so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Is her dick bigger than yours?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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