we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
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He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
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Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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