Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
