He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
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i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
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Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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