I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
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Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
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Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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