And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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