so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
