Swine flu. Run for my life!
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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