they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
