Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
