It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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