I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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