Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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