Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Less talking, more tequila
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
