Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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