She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
