i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
