I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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