the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
