After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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