My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
