its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
