make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
