Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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