Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
