dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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