its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
