I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
