So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
