the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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