why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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