Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
