Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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