I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
