there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
