I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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