Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
