UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.