I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
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I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
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Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.