Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
