I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Also, beer. Big fan.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!