Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
