She said her name was "party"
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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