I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
