But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
