I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
