Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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