btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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