My liver just broke up with me...
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
