im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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