I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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